One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made
the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down
on the way home from work. Since I lived in the
countryside I called my husband and told him that I
would be late because I had to walk home. On my way,
I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked
beans
was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I
figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders
of
baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I
released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me
and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise
for dinner tonight!"
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the
dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about
to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made
me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting
me
and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so
while my husband was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one
go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a
pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three
more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation
in
the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the
telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom,
I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my
napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold,
and
I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve
dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
"Happy
Birthday!"
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made
the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down
on the way home from work. Since I lived in the
countryside I called my husband and told him that I
would be late because I had to walk home. On my way,
I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked
beans
was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I
figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders
of
baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I
released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me
and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise
for dinner tonight!"
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the
dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about
to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made
me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting
me
and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so
while my husband was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one
go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a
pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three
more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation
in
the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the
telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom,
I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my
napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold,
and
I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve
dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
"Happy
Birthday!"
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I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
