Crazy Fireman Sex

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife,

"You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings

and we all slide down the pol e, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

we are going to make love all night.

" The next night he came home from work and yelled

"BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?


"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied "
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

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The WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating or over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me...It
was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore
very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would
regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than
a nice view.
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It had to be deliberate because she never did it
when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to
come over to
check
the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me
that
she wanted me just once before I got married and
committed my life
to
her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a
word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her
go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed
straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me
and said, "We are

very happy that you have passed our little test. We
couldn't ask for
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
family!"
And the moral of this story is:

........Always keep your condoms in your car

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A - Z OF WHAT A VERY BEST FRIEND IS

A VERY BEST FRIEND IS...
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffers support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells U the truth when U need 2 hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)- plain things you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and....
(Z)aps you back to reality...

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DO NOT VALUE FRIENDS?

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE W ROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE & nbsp;IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

SEND THIS PHRASE TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET. I JUST DID.

IF YOU DON'T
SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A
HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIEND S.
TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE !
AND IF I HAPPEN TO GET IT BACK,
THEN I KNOW MY PLACE IN YOUR LIFE"

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When You Love Someone !!!

When you love someone so deep inside,
It seems like it's so easy to hide.
You've loved him for so very long,
You would think he could do no wrong.

Every day you would hope and pray,
That he would always stay this way.
He treated you like you should be treated,
You thought your life was finally completed.

You thought your love was growing true,
And then one day it was all so blue.
He started putting you down and it hurt,
You thought all you were to him was dirt.

He started ignoring you and you wondered why,
All you wanted to do was curl up and die.
You thought your relationship would never end,
But that was all so fake and pretend.

One night he was so sweet to you,
You thought all those things were maybe untrue,
Two days later he was back the same,
You thought you were the one to blame.

He thought the relationship was getting too serious
And that you had become a little too curious.
By this time you knew it wouldn't last,
All the nice things he said were in the past.

You thought that you would marry him some day,
But this time God wanted to get his way.
You wanted things back how they were before,
But you knew this couldn't happen anymore.

It was a Saturday night about ten o'clock,
You heard the news and it wasn't a shock.
You knew this was going to happen soon,
As you laid there and cried in the pale lit moon.

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